And then just like that, I realised I like the White Stripes.

Sorry for no posts in a while. Its panic stations here with Jai out of work, us about to be homeless because of the lack of reasonable-priced accommodation (Damn You Olympics!) and to top it off, Dad, Sam and the step-mother staying with us.

Anyway, for those of you waiting for replies to your email, I promise to get to them soon.

But in the meantime, take a moment to grieve for the Yangtze River Dolphin.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while: my new job is a closed network, so no interweb at work. Great for my productivity, but bad for keeping up with my blogging, rss etc...

The good news is that my new job is great. The team is made up of really good people, my work environment is fabulous and I'm learning a lot. The bad news is that the day I started, Jaime found out that the extension on his work visa has been denied. So as of Monday, he's not allowed to work, and had lost his job (you know, the one he loves and gets loads of positive feedback etc...). As it was total bureaucratic snafu, he can reapply and should get his visa back in a month or two, and his work will likely take him back then. But in the meantime, we are living on my now very poor salary. Why can't I just have a little time without major stress in my life.

So no going to England for Abby and Pete's wedding :( which is so disappointing.

We have to move out of our apartment and likely move back into mum's one-bedroom apartment again.

Jaime gets paid out all his holiday pay, but obviously can't actually go on a holiday.

Plans for holidays are put on hold again.

Plans for studying are on hold again.

Plans for kids are on hold again.

I'm beginning to wonder if our life will ever get off hold. Can't we have a time period without massive stress for just a little while?

The Chernobyl Legacy by Paul Fusco could be one of the most moving and deeply disturbing photoessays I have ever seen. I must admit that with all the problems of global warming, I did for just one second start to ponder the rhetoric of politicians like John Howard putting forth nuclear energy as the solution to the world's energy crisis. But how can anyone even think of building reactors after viewing the horrific, widespread, and longterm consequences of just one reactor meltdown. The fact that Australia, which can't even get a 19th century invention like trains to run without accidents, is even considering it boggles the mind. There has just got be better options than this.

I remember when as a child I first came to understand what nuclear bombs and reactors were. I was eleven years old and it terrified me. I began to have "mushroom cloud" nightmares and would become paralyzed by fear of nuclear war. At age 13 I saw the news reports about Chernobyl, but did not come to realise the true consequences until many years later. In the nineties, with the easing of the cold war, the dismantling of apartheid, and increase of global awareness, I had a genuine feeling that the world moving to a better place and further from the threat of nuclear radiation. But now the world is entering scary territory. Politicians are putting nuclear energy back on the table, and people are eating it. Where is the outrage? Where is the fight against this? Is it because people in the 60s and 70s weren't worried about losing power for their iphone that they were in the streets about this? I would rather raise children in a world with no electricity (humans managed without for 4.6 million years) than to see these abominations on the earth.

Here is the Link : Make sure to listen with the sound on as the commentary is vital.
(warning: this has some pretty disturbing images).

Now that I'm getting comfortable with Ookpik the dslr camera, I am giving HDR photography a whirl. In a nutshell, it's taking the same shot at normal, over and under exposures and then combining them into one photo. This gives it a greater depth and all areas of the photo are exposed properly. It can look over-done, but properly created images are stunning. Anyway, here is my first HDR (created using photomatix; I used the free version, hence the watermarks):

Now after all the shit weather our recent and not so recent guests have had to endure, it's nice to see the sun. Makes one happy and let's one see the local mountains, trees flowers etc... But this is kinda of crazy. To all the folk who don't believe it gets hot in Vancouver, I give you this weeks weather forecast:

Yes, that's a 33, 34 and 35 coming up this week. I had to double check I hadn't inadvertently checked Sydney's weather. In the interior of BC the forecast is for 38 and 39.

Still, it's a good week for it. I have a week off before I start my new job and I'm pretty much slacking off, so it's nice to have some good slacking off weather.

So I joined the David Suzuki Foundation's Nature Challenge. Its only a small thing, and certainly nothing "off the grid", but it's small steps. Most of which of I'm already doing. But they say" Word of mouth is our most powerful tool", so here I am promoting a it. Looking at the Challenge, I can assess how I am doing a reducing climate change:

1. Reduce home energy use by 10%.

• I am working on only having lights on when I need them. I'm also reducing the amount of time I spend on my computer (I quit WOW).

2. Choose an energy efficient home and appliances.

• As an apartment in a concrete building, our insulation is pretty good. But our appliances are appalling. The fridge is a giant old beast that runs noisily all the time, and the drier does not vent very well and is incredibly inefficient. Unfortunately, as tenants, these are not our appliances, and as these appliances are technically still working, we cannot get them replaced. I have countered this by hanging as many things to dry as possible, and by running the fridge on low, keeping the fidgee-part relatively empty and the freezee-part very full (this is the way fridge work efficiently).
  

3. Replace dangerous pesticides with alternatives.

• I don't have a garden *sigh*. My house plants are basically bug free.

4. Eat meat-free meals one day a week.

• We've been trying to go farther with this anyway. While I doubt I will ever be able to go completely meat free, I am trying to make it the exception rather than the rule. I already go meat-free several days a week, so I'm doing well with this one.

5. Buy locally grown and produced food.

• I've become a lot more conscious of this issue, and I am going to try to pay more attention to this when shopping. Luckily we've got a lot of good markets near us with lots of healthy, local produce. This will be harder in the winter though, as a lot of Canada's produce is imported.

6. Choose a fuel-efficient vehicle.

• I don't have a car. My feet aren't very efficient, but at least they don't pollute.

7. Walk, bike, carpool or take transit.

• I've been public-transiting for decades. At the moment I have to catch three buses to work, which isn't much fun. But in my new job it will be one express-bus ride. I miss walking to work though, like I did at Sydney Uni.
  

8. Choose a home close to work or school.

• Well I just chose a work that's closer to my home so "hooray". For a lot of people this isn't a viable option. But the long commutes some people make these days are nuts.
  

9. Support car-free alternatives.

• Well, I already do. but I'm thinking of buying a bicycle. It will be uphill to work, but then downhill home :)

10. Learn more and share with family and friends.

• I think that's what I'm doing at the moment.
  

I have just been hired as a Research Assistant to the Laboratory of Archaeology at UBC. Its so exciting. I was really starting to get despondent about the career part of my life. While the job is not great paying, and is only for six-months, that is huge in archaeological terms. I will be doing what I love. My student loans have justified themselves. I'm almost too excited to talk. all I can say is that THE MILKY BARS ARE ON ME!!!!

After Guy and Anna winged their way home to Oz, the Vancouver experience continued for Leon. We were lucky enough to be treated to Leon DJing at the local goth/industrial club, Sanctuary. It was great, he went off. A longer review, including video can be found on Metal Monkey. Jaime also showed Leon the Vancouver Aquarium, and how to severely damage your liver with alcohol in Seattle.

I been having a go lately at consciously changing my thoughts towards more positive things, but it's not easy. I have had the (dis)advantage of a substantial education and labour under a terrible addiction: Information. As much as I know that reading the news, surfing the net or watching tv will only give me more information to deal with, I cannot help myself. This has led me to a terrible state of anxiety over choice.

Those who watch the Sopranos* might find AJ's behaviour of the last season annoying, but I sympathise very much with the "everything's going hell so why bother" mindset. I mean, how can a few fluoro bulbs and catching the bus to work compete against China opening a new coal power plant every week?! Buying eggs almost sent me into palpations the other day. I could find eggs from happy chickens that got to run around in green fields, and I could find eggs from chickens that weren't fed other chickens. But do you think I could find eggs from frolicking chickens that didn't have to eat other chickens? NO! So I had the agonising choice of condoning battery hen farms or risking mad-chicken disease some day**.

And buying a coffee?! Paper cups from dying trees, Styrofoam poisons the earth and our bodies. Are the beans fair-trade? Was the soil organic? Does the cafe treat it's employees fairly? Is it owned by some terrible multinational corporation that sells cigarettes, arms and Celine Dion albums? These are demons I wrangle with for every choice of my adult life.

But I am rallying my thoughts for a full-frontal assault on despair. It's not easy, my brain has had a mind of its own for far to long, and my ability to control thoughts is weak. But I will be training up the neurons. To this end, I am announcing a new series to my blog: Why I like being human.

Next time on Shanathalas: "Why I Like Being Human Part 1: Music".

*Having seen the last episode I can't decide whether I absolutely hate it or if it was absolutely brilliant.

** I chose the Free-Range; I hope the happy little chook thinks of me when my brain goes to mush!

We've been blessed with many visitors from the homeland lately. First up, Guy & Anna stopped by Vancouver for five days on their way home from their ten week trip round the world. It's been so great to see them. Even though the weather was crap, there was still plenty to see and do (and eat). We were able to show them the Vancouver Aquarium, the Museum of Anthropology and to take in The Taming of the Shrew at Bard on the Beach.

We even managed a Vancouver gathering of "Guys Urban Gaming Society", with locals Rena and Elwood joining Guy, Anna, Leon, Jaime and myself for a rousing evening of boardgames, witty banter and much drinking. Just like old times.

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and yesterday Guy and Anna flew home to Oz, misplacing June 11th somewhere in their travels. Thanks for visiting guys; I'm missing you already.

But stayed tuned for the further adventures of Leon in Vancouver...

So I did it...I weighed up the pros and cons and listened to some very sage advice posted on my blog. I initially thought I would suck it up and hang on here until I found something else, but it wasn't working. I was becoming so demoralised and my blood pressure was high enough to make it sound like a all-drums death metal band had moved into my head. I usually do the pragmatic, careful thing; I am a Taurus after all. But I figure that I have developed a massive fear of making the wrong decision. And so it's time I take a chance. So this morning I gave my notice. I ran the gamut of feelings: fear, courage, nervous, failure, success, release and worry.

I think one of the biggest factors for leaving was that this job hindered my ability to look for others. And as Aoife pointed out, temping can open a lot of doors. I was offered more work by many of my temping assignments and I was doing a great job impressing IBM when I was temping with them, until I broke my foot.

And another factor that arrived last night: A note that our lease ends in two months and our rent is going up another 75$ a month. As our rent was already far too expensive, it now means we really have to move. Which is ironic, as I have had a few doubts about the place since we moved in, and had only just made my peace with its faults and decided I wanted to stay there. But moving out in a way is liberating. Much of the reason I felt pressure to stay in this job is due to our high rent. Now we may be able to get cheaper rent (hopefully staying the nice area we live in). So now is the time to be, as Dan comments, a True Warrior.

But yes Jen, finding a new job is one problem; finding a new career is another...and the subject of a soon-to-come post.

The Vancouver Aquarium's best feature in my mind is the sea otters. These guys are so cute, and very popular. So I guess that's why they've set up an ottercam. They already had the belugacam, and I guess they wanted to build on the success of the recent video on youtube of Nyac & Milo holding hands:


This is so cute. And its not just a rare event, I've been watching these guys hold hands for years. There's something decidedly human about holding hands.

Imagine if you will, a beautiful forest surrounding a placid lake. A gorgeous sunset, a brilliant half-moon and pink wispy clouds. Lush thick grass, a teletubby brass band, and tiny woman belting out the tunes like nothing else. Yes, last night Jaime, Rob, Rena and I took in the Björk concert at Deer Lake Park. It was a great evening for it. I've been a long-time Björk fan but never seen her live, and I gotta say that I was impressed. Her voice is even stronger live than it is recorded and she knows how to put on a great show. She played mostly from her latest album Volta, which sounds similar to her earlier material, particularly the use of brass instruments. I particularly like Earth Intruders and Innocence. She also played some old favourites of mine such as Army of Me and All is full of Love. Each song followed by a tiny "sink-yu" (like a cat sneezing; I firmly believe that Björk is in fact a selkie) to the audience. My only complaint is that she didn't play my favourites Human Behaviour (AKA The Teddy Bear Song), and Big Time Sensuality.

Good job on winning the tickets Jai :)

I'm not good at making decisions. Especially big ones. And lately it always seems I take the wrong path. So I am working out the pro and cons. Advice is clearly appreciated.

Should I Stay:

• I need money.
• Its not that hard a job.
• It’s a 35 hour workweek.
• Pay is slightly better than temping.

Should I Go:

• This is clearly not the job I thought it was.
• I will be leaving them further in the lurch if I quit down the line.
• I will not be allowed time off to spend with my visiting friends.
  
• My security clearance might be coming through after all, though I’m not sure exactly when.
• There is no progression possible.
• I am learning nothing.
• I am not challenged.
• Everything here is painfully paper-based.
  
• I have to get up at 6:30am and catch three buses to get to work.
• I can get temping work (closer to home).
• I receive no guidance or supervision.
• I’m bored.
• Moneys not that good.
• While the people I work with are nice enough, I do not fit in at all (All middle aged women from the suburbs).
• Leaving this job gives me more time to interview/apply for others.
  

Actually, looking at that list I know see that there is far more "I should go"s than I should stays.

Just a quick note to all the kind folk who have been wishing me well. My angiogram did indeed go ahead this past Monday. There were some pretty serious complications, but to get to the good news first: the procedure did not give me a stroke (my biggest fear), and the angiogram seems to show that I do not have a Dural AV fistula.

The two major complications? The puncture in my Femoral artery did not want to stop bleeding when the catheter was removed after the operation. My blood pressure plummeted; I went into shock and was about thirty seconds away from a blood transfusion. Luckily, the doctor was able to stop the bleeding and my BP improved, negating a need for transfusion.

The second complication was an adverse reaction to the contrast dye they released in my blood vessels. The procedure involves the doctor running a small wire through the femoral artery in the leg, up the aorta and into the neck, and then he releases the contrast dye into different arteries and takes x-rays at the same time. As my body took considerable exception to the contrast dye, it felt like Drano going through the vessels. The burning pain was the most excruciating feeling I have ever endured. And they had to do it over and over in different veins. This essentially caused a migraine in every blood vessel in my head. Needless to say, I spent the next seven hours throwing up. Its four days later, my head is still ringing and my vision is still all fucked-up* . Ironically, the pulsatile tinnitus has gotten much worse, evidentially from the irritation to the blood vessels.

So the outcome? They found nothing they can treat. The radiologist, who was a really sweet guy from Melbourne, says there was some possibility of a dehiscent jugular bulb (say that 10 times fast!), but he would need to do another CT scan (without angio or dye) to confirm. Even if they confirm it, it doesn’t sound treatable and is unlikely to cause a bleed. My cow of a neurologist had never heard of it, or a few medical terms like “bedside manner”, so I don’t think I’ll be following up with her anymore. So the end result is: I’m not likely to have a major bleed in my brain anytime soon, but I might have to live with the sound of my “telltale heart” for the rest of my life.

But to end on a positive note; now starts a long-weekend, Jaime won us Björk tickets and I have a shiny new camera which I have named “Ookpik”.

*There is no real concrete way to explain what your vision is like after a massive migraine. Those who suffer them know exactly what I mean. Those who don't, consider yourself lucky.

Mum, Jaime, Ross and Margot gave me the most awesome birthday present ever: the Canon XTi Digital SLR camera!!! I'm still in shock. It was such a surprise to receive such an extravagant present. And not only did I get the camera, but my friends Beppie and Dave gave me an additional special lens as well: a good-quality Canon 50mm f/1.8. Thanks so much guys; I feel almost undeserving of such an amazing gift. But it's exactly the camera I've had my eye on and I've been longing for a digital slr for so long. And now I'll have no excuse not be to out there taking amazing photos. I'm going out this weekend to take my camera for a spin. Saturday is International Dawn Chorus Day so in theory I'm getting up before sunrise (the night after celebrating my birthday - yeah I know, it's not going to be easy), and on Saturday night I'm accompanying mum to the wedding of one of her friends. So I have two events that are perfect for practicing photography. So in a few days, keep watching this space.

Sometimes you just need a couple of minutes of bunnies.

via Cute Overload