I try not to despair at the state of the world, but honestly, we don't deserve this planet.

UPDATE: Well, I hadn't expected this (though I really should have): I got bumped. Symptom of the over-stretched medical system in British Columbia. I arrived at 7:30, got all dressed up in sexy hospital gown and booties, and lay on a stretcher for four hours. They were just about to start my IV line and then I was told that due to a broken machine and several emergency patients they hadn't expected, they couldn't do my angio today. I have to come back in two weeks. Considering how stressed out I was about it, I really wish it had just been over. Now I get to string the anticipation out even longer.

..................................................................................................................................

Tomorrow I am going in for a cerebral angiogram to find out what is causing the turbulence in the blood vessels of my head, making me hear my own pulse 24/7. All jokes about medical procedures aside; I’m really terrified. Not only do I have to be awake for the procedure, there is a small but real possibility of complications leading to bleeding, strokes and death. Currently, the most likely culprit for the sound is a dural arteriovenous fistula. So after two years of this horrendous sound, tomorrow we will find out whether its:

a) Nothing. This is less of possibility now that the doctors can here the bruit in my head. Half of me wants it to be nothing, as brain malformations are really scary. But then again the thought of hearing my own pulse for the rest of my life sounds miserable. But if it is just some odd trick of my anatomy, then I guess I will work with my osteopath to see if we can minimize the sound.

b) Something treatable. This most likely includes a dural AV fistula. Generally they can be fixed either with angioplasty or brain surgery. The other half of me wants this, because even though it’s kind of scary, a solution is possible.

c) Something not treatable. I guess the leading candidates are tumours, cancer or dead cells. This is also less likely, as I have already had two MRI/MRAs and customarily big nasties like this tend to show up on these type scans. None of me wants this.

Anyway, saving any bad complications I should come out of this with an eight-hour rest in the hospital, some bruising, a half-brazilian*, an answer to my problem and some hope that it can be resolved. Wish me luck!

*To get to the carotid artery, they feed the catheter into the femoral artery, through the heart and into the neck. The femoral is accessed where the thigh and groin come together. Fun, eh?

expatriate: a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country and culture other than that of the person's upbringing or legal residence.

The Expat Women site have just invited me to list on their site (thanks gels) that focuses on woman living as expats. Its given me an opportunity to reflect on my own expat status. I have essentially been a expat from the age of one. My Aussie parents moved to Canada in search of snow and adventure when I was a bub. And even though I grew up with Canadians, Aussie culture was mixed in with my development via my folks. While not obviously different, I was often noticed for strange turns of phrase. I always identified as an Australian living in Canada. Then when I moved back to Sydney in my twenties, I felt more like a canuck living in Australia. Everyone identified me as a Canadian, and poked fun at my odd ways. Now that I've moved back to Vancouver after eight years downunder, I don't know who I am nationally. I am culturally both Australian and Canadian. While I generally have the Canadian trait of being very polite, I also have the Aussie nature to tell things like they are and not beat around the bush. Example: "Excuse me, sorry to be a pain but you're being fucking wanker. Thanks kindly".

My accent is a bizarre mix of Aussie-Canuck that can only be called mid-pacific. Oddly, people here in Vancouver tend to think I'm English, and the folks in Australia thought I was Irish. I've noticed that I've developed a slight stutter at times when my brain comes to a fork in the lingistic road. Example: "Can you please pass the .... tomato sauce/ketchup". And I very much enjoy mixing my Canadian and Australia colloqiullisms i.e. "I'm flat out like a lizard drinking, eh" and "Don't be such a hoser, mate".

But honestly, if Australia and Canada went to war today and I had to choose a country, I don't how I do it. Both countries are beautiful in their own way. Australia is an ancient dry, weathered rock, with red earth, white sands, and blue gums. Canada is a noobie geography with growing moutains, temperate green rainforests and vast snowfields. Sydney is a lively sprawling city with beautiful beaches, many cultures and opportunities. Its also polluted, scorchingly hot and ultra-corporate. Vancouver is relaxed, friendly, and temperate with beaches, mountains and multiculturalism. Its also dark and rainy three months of the year, losing its soul by virtue of being Hollywood North, and a little physically close the States for my liking. Sydney is a trendy nightclub with glitz , smoke and neon. Vancouver is a coffee shop with comfy chairs, a good view and Amsterdam treats*. I'm enjoying living in Vancouver at the moment. Its fun, relaxed, beautiful, clean and stands to handle global warming much better . But not a day goes by when I don't miss my friends and family back in Oz. I wish I could could walk through some time-vortex wormhole and visit my brother in Canberra or have a drink down the pub with my mates from the uni. I miss you all so much. I don't want to have to choose.

And luckily I don't have to. Since 2004 Australia has formally allowed dual-citizenship. And now I am on a mission to get my Canadian citizenship (I'm just a permanent resident currently). Once I have that, I can truly call myself a Canaussie.

*You know what I mean.

Jai and I have been married for one whole year now. It’s amazing to think. It seems both like yesterday and a million years ago. And while it’s been a tough year, we are both so happy together. We seem to have had an over-abundance of “poorer” and “sickness” in our first year of marriage, and while life’s potholes always appear in our way, we are always able to lift each other up. I could not hope for a better hubby. Thanks for your patience, humour and love this past year (and indeed the six years before that). Happy Anniversary to my sweet babboo.

PS: Thanks for all the yummy sammiches :)

While I certainly don't want to move into Perez Hilton territory, and bring down the tone of my own blog*, I can't let this juicy morsel of gossip pass without comment. Bollywood star Aishwarya Rai got married yesterday (to some bollywood star I've never heard of). Why do I mention this? It allows me to state publicly that I think Rai is probably the most beautiful woman in the world. Though my bread isn't buttered on that side, if I was into woman, this would be my ideal. With the world's most beautiful eyes and a gorgeous smile, Rai is in my mind a living work of art.

*Cause it's totally highbrow, eh?

The Canucks, Vancouver's Pro Hockey team, is in the Stanley Cup playoffs this year, after missing out for three years. The quarter finals start tonight against the Dallas Stars. The rounds are best out of seven, and the playoffs will go on until June I believe. Vancouver has never won the Stanley Cup, and has only made it to the final round twice. The last time was 1994 and when the Canucks lost in game seven of the final round to the New York Rangers (stinky Rangers), Vancouver had a it's first proper riot.

Let's hope things are more peaceful and successful this time. After years of supporting the Canucks, even when they sucked, it would be a thrill for them to win, especially now that I'm back in Vancouver. And I think they've got their good luck charm: Jaime, the Aussie Hockey Fan.

Mercer HR Consulting has published their Quality of Living Survey for 2007, and Vancouver has come in third best in the World. Apparently Vancouver would be best-in-class if it weren't for its crime rate. We tied with Vienna, and were bested by Geneva and Zurich. Hats off to Düsseldorf (congrats Steve and Alex) for tying with Auckland for fifth. Sydney came in a very respectable ninth. Edinburgh wasn't listed, but I think that must be because with a population of less than half a million, I doesn't count as a city (sorry Evelyn & Tancred).

Most interesting was the fact that every Canadian city scored better than all the U.S. cities surveyed. I have a feeling that has something to do with medical coverage and social safety nets.

I had a complete brain fart and thought March had 30 days in it this year. Hence, I thought April 1st was on Saturday, not Sunday. Either way, I completely forgot that April 1st was April Fools' Day until 11:00pm last night. We heard some strange tapping at the window, and looked out the window to find it was snowing/sleeting/hailing. My favourite April Fool's joke use to be "look outside; it's snowing"! This year the jokes on me. Snow in April is practically unheard of; Climate Change has made fools of us all.

Even though I didn't manage it, Blizzard got one over on Jaime. He was completely convinced of the new piece of armour in World of Warcraft: the Tinfoil Hat.

Still, brilliant as it is, the tinfoil hat is no match for the Top 10 April Fools Jokes. My favourites are the Taco Liberty Bell and the Left-handed Whopper.

The Canadian government has managed to fuck me over twice in one week. Firstly, I just found out that I am ineligible for the security clearance I need to work as a Historical Researcher. As I had been outside Canada for more than a year, there was no way I could get the clearance. Why couldn't they have told me that EIGHT MONTH AGO!!!??? I've been waiting all this time for this great job that I had been accepted to do and I now I can never have. It's been a massive blow and has left me really pondering where to go from here. The thought of a career in boring admin makes me wanna puke.

And the second screwing I got from the government is having my application for a Permanent Resident Card* sent back. The reason? When I originally immigrated to Canada as a baby, the immigration official at Vancouver Airport left my middle name off my form. So when I applied for a card (which replaces the old form) Canada does not recognise my name with my middle name. When I rang Immigration Canada the other day to discuss the ridiculousness of the situation, I asked them to make the card with just my first and last name. I was told they wouldn't allow that, as all my provincial ID has my middle name. Their suggestion? Legally change my name. To exactly as it is now. Is this not dumber than a bag of hammers? I pointed out to the telephone adviser the inanity of this suggestion and she agreed it was without sense but the only thing I could do. I complained that that was my name when I arrived in Canada, and it was the immigration officer's mistake, not mine. She said that if I can prove that, then I can apply for an amendment to my form. While this will be as slow as changing my name, it will not cost anything. Lucky for me, Mum is a Pack Rat and still has our passport (as a bubby, I travelled on her passport, not having one of my own yet) from when we arrived, with my name clearly including my middle name. So now I will have to have the form amended before I can once again apply for my PR Card. I hate bureaucracy.

* Card I need to show to get back into Canada if I leave for any reason.

One of the things I really enjoy about the new TV show Heros, is the comic-styled paintings by Isaac. Now some of them are being auctioned off to raise money for the Epilepsy Foundation. I would like this painting of Hiro fighting the dinosaur, but I have a feeling these paintings are going to go for a mint.

Update: The print went for $9,200. Less than I thought it would, but definitely too rich for my blood.

Hurray for Jaime. He bought me a Flickr Pro account. I've been wanting to expand my foray into digital photography for a while now. I still don't own a digital camera of my own, so my current flickr account either has photos digitised from film, or when I've borrowed Jai's camera.

I am hoping very soon to get a digital SLR, either the Canon XTi(400D) or the older Canon XT (350D). I've had a Canon film SLR for many years, and like the creative control of an SLR. I was tempted by the Canon S3i, which is almost an SLR, but reviews have swayed me in favour of a full slr.

So mostly it will be happy-snaps on flickr until I can get my new camera and hopefully get back into photography seriously. I was really into it when I finished high school, but could not afford all the developing and printing that was necessary to shoot enough to really hone one's skills.

Why doesn't Google just buy Viacom?

Life's been a bit of a roller-coaster lately. A bunch of real ups and downs. Two weeks ago I got the all-clear to take the cast off. It was a real thrill to a) not have walk with a cast on my leg, and b) stop looking like a gimp. So that was an "up". But then the actual walking around on a foot that had been cast for 10 weeks was a real "down". All the muscles, tendons and ligaments have atrophied, and according to my physiotherapist, the broken bone, while looking like a corkscrew now, is the only bone in my foot in the right place. So its been a pretty painful fortnight. I have managed to get to the gym once, and I'm hoping go regularly enough to lose my "sitting on my arse for three months"-fat.

Work is similar. While I am thrilled to no longer be unemployed and so relieved to finally be getting a regular paycheck, I am so miserable in my new position. I've tried to make the best of it, keep my chin up and just knuckle down, as the cliches go, but it's not helping. A great deal of dissatisfaction surely comes from how the position was misrepresented to me. While they advertised for extensive web technical skills, only about 2% of the job is technical or web related. It was also supposed to be technical writing, but it seems to be 95% boring student administration work. It doesn't help that my boss has spent less than two hours training me in the month I've been here, so it's been a real muddle-through-on-my-own type of scenario. The program utilised to access to student records is pure 1985 technology, and any ideas offered to streamline processes fall on deaf ears. Also, I miss working with geeks, rather than middle-aged women from the suburbs.

On the accommodation side of things, we are still debating whether to move or stay in our apartment. Our flat is expensive, not-exactly modern, but is in exactly the location we want, and has a lot of space. Today we saw an apartment in staff housing out at UBC. A two-bedroom modern flat, with a fireplace, plush carpet, a kitchen to-die for and its $350 less a month then were currently paying. Only problem is that while living on campus sounds good, its actually quite remote. There aren't any real restaurants or shops around and its a good 20 minute hike to where you catch the many buses that run from UBC to the rest of Vancouver. UBC has gardens, birds, trees, and is the proverbially "nice place to raise a family", but we're just not in that phase yet. We currently live 2 minutes walk from the supermarket, have about 30 restaurants within 10 minutes walking distance, and have a 5-block walk to the beach. And while we're not right downtown, its a 40 minute walk to be downtown (think Glebe). So for the time being, we'll stay in our less-than-perfect but large and well-located apartment. At least it has room for visitors, of which we should have many this year.

*Wondering about the title?

Last year was a banner year for film. I haven't seen such quantity of quality films in ages. For a long time there it was a matter of picking a few good ones amongst a veritable sea of crap films. As the Oscars approach, I reveal my favourites, whether they were actually nominated or not.

Best Film: The Departed
Runners up: Pan's Labyrinth, Children of Men
This one was very hard. I just kept seeing movies that seemed so great. Choosing an absolute favourite from these three was hard, but The Departed just seemed like the most complete piece in the gallery. Pan's Labyrinth was visually stunning, and Children of Men was just so poignant.

Best Actor: Clive Owen (Children of Men)
Runners up: Leonardo Di'Caprio (Departed), Kazunari Ninomiya (Letters from Iwo Jima).
Clive Owen gave the most un-stereotypical performance in years. Tough but sensitive, cynical but hopeful, a man who knows there's no point trying and yet doesn't give up. Leonardo Di'Caprio has finally grown up, and is a very compelling figure in both the Departed and Blood Diamond. And while the better-known Ken Watanabe gave a great performance in Letters from Iwo Jima, it's Kazunari Ninomiya's role as Saiko, the poor grunt who just wants keep his head down and get home to his family, that was the most touching.

Best Actress: Ivana Baquero (Pan's Labyrinth)
This was a tough category as I must admit to having not seen most of the films that the contenders are nominated for. Many of the films I have seen lately have cast almost all men. Two of my favourite actresses, Kate Winslet and Cate Blanchett are nominated, but the films they're in don't seem to compel me to see them. Ivana Baquero's performance in Pan's Labyrinth is reminiscent of Natalie Portman's in Leon. Once again a young girl is forced to deal with the dangers and burdens of a violent, adult world.

The Underachiever: Babel
Runners Up: Little Miss Sunshine, Last King of Scotland
This category is for good films that somehow let me down. Babel had a great story and absolutely amazing performances, but seemed like only half a film. Certainly a very good film, but not satisfying. I feel perhaps that Little Miss Sunshine suffered from overhype. Everyone said how fantastic it was, so I must have been expecting more. The performances were very good (I love Alan Arkin and Greg Kinear) and there were amusing spots in the film, but just too many bits seemed to drag for me and lacked "pop". Last King of Scotland had a great performance by Forrest Whittaker, but when the main character is fictional in a recent historical film, it makes me feel played. The cinematographer was going for a retro look, but hand held cameras just serve to make the audience nauseous.

The Secret Shame: Borat...
Runners Up: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, V For Vendetta
I came out with a sore tummy from cringing so much in Borat... I also laughed my fucking head off. Regardless of whether it was exploitative, it was one of the freshest things I've seen in ages. And the Pirates franchise might be cheesier than a quattro formaggio pizza, but the pace makes it sooo much fun. V for Vendetta is a great film with a powerful message, but the flood of poor comic-based action films in recent years make me feel defensive about endorsing it.

Worst Film: Superman Returns
Runners up: X-men 3, Da Vinci Code
While I am sure there were many more worse films than these three, these were the worst I actually sat through. I'm probably going to hell for saying this rather non-pc thing: Christopher Reeves was a very bad actor. I'm sure he was a nice guy, and it was awful what happened to him, but an terrible actor. But at least he had a modicum of charisma. This new superman is so dull and boring, it makes you miss Christopher Reeve. The script must have been written by a computer, and while I love Kevin Spacey, he was just doing an imitation of Gene Hackman. I thought X-Men 3 must have suffered from the loss of the director of its first two iterations. That was until I saw Superman Returns*. The X-Men franchise is one of the few where the second film is better than the first. Unfortunately the curve did not continue, and the script for the third movie must have been written by a 80s video game designer. And the DaVinci Code? I knew it was in the crapper when I heard it was being directed by smaltzmeister Ron Howard, but I got suckered into paying good money to see it because of how much I love Ian McKellen, Jean Reno and Paul Bettany. I chose poorly.

*Bryan Singer turned down directing Xmen 3 so that he could direct Superman Returns. Go figure.

other picks:

Best Documentary: An Inconvenient Truth.
This film made people sit up and listen to the drip, drip, drip of the glaciers melting. The general public has finally realised what scientists and greenies have been telling them for years. Its actually a good thing he never got the presidency; I'm sure he's never have been able to devote so much time and effort to this cause.

Film I most regret not seeing: The Fountain.
I was so looking forward to this film as the photography looked amazing and I love both Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weiss. But the stupid "50" score on metacritic made me hesitate, and before I knew it, this film's very brief theatre run was over. I will definitely see it when it comes out on DVD, but I am sure that it would have been stunning on the big screen.

Film in 2007 that I most want to see: 300
The trailer for this film gives me goosebumps everytime I see it. Artistically, it looks stunning, and historically, the Battle of Thermopylae was just that violent.

For the benefit of the viewing several out there who are starting to think that this blog has a decidedly negative tone, I can finally report some happy news. Firstly, and right off the presses, I am very happy to report that our good friends Jen and Dan have just seen the arrival of their third child. Little baby girl Elora is here! Congrats you guys.

Other good news is that I have finally found myself a job. I am now working as the Information Services and Graduation Assistant at a local college here in Vancouver. Not sure what the Information Services and Graduation Assistant does? Neither do I! Its not a dream job, but it is full-time and gets me out of the house and earning money.

Healthwise, things are still in the shitter, but heh, what can you do? Still in the cast, still on crappy blood thinners. But later this week I have a scheduled battle with my old nemesis: The MRI machine. That's right folks, its round two of me trying desperately to cling to the idea that I am indeed not claustrophobic. While the MRI will be keeping me longer in its noisy and confined clutches this time, I will be armed with a magic weapon: tranquilizers.

This Tuesday morning I was very hopeful. I was going to the Orthopedic doctor for my six week checkup for my broken foot. I was convinced all would be good and I could tell my crutches and cast to piss-off. So imagine my disappointment on seeing my latest x-ray and discovering that my broken bone has NOT HEALED AT ALL. Nothing. It has not even started putting down new cartilage. Its like the proximal and distal ends of my metatarsal have had a big argument and neither wants to be the one to call and say "I'm sorry". And thanks to the anticoagulants for my DVT, surgery is definitely out. So its another month of the cast. At last I was able to convince the doc that crutches weren't necessary as I can walk on the aircast without any pain in my foot.

To add insult to injury, my ballet teacher rang today to ask if I would attend her new Saturday class.

Life of Pi
by Yann Martel

Jaime gave me this fantastic book for Christmas. Winner of the Man Booker Prize for 2002, this harrowing yet vastly entertaining novel tells the story of Piscine Molitor Patel, a devout Christian, Hindu, Muslim and zoologist. Imagine a book made from the movies Gandhi, The Ghost and the Darkness and Castaway. The narrator says this story will make you believe in God. Though I would not go that far, I will say that it makes one reflect on one's own spirituality and beliefs. I recommend this book highly; in fact this is now officially one of my favourite ever novels.
5/5

Today is Oz's national day (technically it was yesterday; you best me again International Date Line). I'm wishing all my mates downunder a very fun and hopefully not too hot Australia Day. I'm there in spirit drinking beer, eating snags and soaking my feet in the kiddie pool.